Marriage Wishes to a Breastfed Daughter From her Mother

The Joy a Mother Feels When Her Daughter finds Love

From my womb came the first fruit my beautiful girl Nomalanga meaning Mother of the Sun, whose traditional marriage just happened on this Friday. It happens to be breastfeeding week. So as I send my daughter off memories of her arrival surfaced.

Celebrate with me fellow mothers. My baby who suckled from my own breast, just got married culturally! Her church wedding is tomorrow. I have so much pride and joy. I feel privileged to witness her journey from the day I birthed her to going to her family of choice.

Have you had this experience before? How did you feel?

I celebrate that my daughter is happy with her choice. I bless her, but becoming her mother was not always joyful.

Breastfeeding and Pain

I struggled to produce milk. I had not mentally or physically prepared for the excruciating pain I felt when Nomalanga started suckling. I assumed breastfeeding was as easy as eating porridge, and I was traumatized by my first mom experience.

I was on tip toes trying to dance the pain away. My uncle hovered above me to make sure I breastfed even if my nipple threatened to fall off. "Franzi, yamwisa mwana!"

"Breastfeed the child", he instructed with a booming voice. He wanted me to feed my baby. She was forever crying. She had pain. I had no idea what it was all about until I learnt about colic.

I tried Vaseline and some oils I was offered, but my tits felt like there were needles inside. My baby's gums were like teeth as she cried out in pain and pulled. My tits cracked and became two wounds. The sensations went up to my neck and with each pull, my neck burned. I still feel the remnants of that pain on my neck whenever there is contact.

I faithfully breastfed my daughter and with time, the nightmarish pain subsided. I hardly slept but I cared more about my baby's nourishment more than I cared for my comfort. Such is a mother's love.

I am so glad that when my second daughter Zanele had breastfeeding issues, she had the support of Katinka Musavaya a Lactation Consultant and beloved family friend. So Zanele's motherhood journey has been smoother than mine. I am grateful that my sisters and I made sure the new mother was supported and we had expert help.

The importance of Breastfeeding

I am curious to hear about your breastfeeding stories. So let me know in the comments section. Other mothers might find them useful. I learnt that breastfeeding is a synergic satisfier of human needs, meaning that many needs are met at the same time for both mother and child.

According to Cleveland clinic, there are numerous physical and mental benefits when it comes to breastfeeding. I am happy that I breastfed even though I did not even know the numerous lifelong benefits listed by Cleveland Clinic.

If you ask me if I would do it again, I will say yes! So I would encourage my daughter to do the same for my grandchildren when she gets blessed with the gift of motherhood.

Everything comes to an end. We breastfeed and then wean off our children.

How do Mothers Wean Off or Let Go of Their Children?

Coming back to marriage, I feel like when we marry our children off, that is another type of weaning. We always want to protect our children and it is difficult to let go.

Weaning is difficult for most of us. Some mothers even put peppers so that the baby begins to hate breast milk. Some let the babies go to visit grandparents until they forget about breastmilk. It is an emotional process. Letting go of my daughter and entrusting her future to someone is not easy, yet it has to be done. We have a tendency to be controlling and protective as parents. We want the best for our children and at times we overstep boundaries, denying them growth. Does this ring a bell for you?

What has been your experience? How have you weaned your children off breastmilk and as adults? What does it take to let go?

Letting go is Leadership

I have learnt that letting go is leadership. When we have taught our children the best we can, they must be able to survive and thrive without us. We must wean them off. They will make mistakes. They will get hurt, but they must learn from their own journey for it is in their breakdowns that breakthroughs come.

I am learning to watch my "babies," one by one, getting married and sending them off with smiles and prayers for the best. We must be able to lead as mothers.

What Does a Mother Say to Send Off Her Child?

I do not know about you, but in my culture we are told to be strong women and to keep our marriages no matter what! We must hold the knife by the hand. We are groomed to look after men. We cook, we clean and take care of the whole family when they are unwell. That is what good wives do.

Most of us work 9 to 5 jobs or we bring in income from our own businesses yet we still do most of the household and care work. We are also providers but only men get that title.

As a Matriarch changing the narrative, today I send off my daughter to be her best version with her best friend. I send her off to be the Queen she is. I send her off with a strong warning for her not to be defined by chores like cooking and cleaning, and slaving away for all, forgetting herself. I send her off with the words, "prioritize your self care, know whose daughter you are and who you are, love yourself and lead your life from your sage-that is with wisdom from positivity. Loving others will be easier when you love yourself first".

I send her off to accept being taken care of, to know that she can let her husband cook for her and the children, clean and take care of them when they are sick. I send her off knowing that she knows she is kind, smart, beautiful, curious, powerful, worthy and enough and no one must ever change that.

I am sending her off never to keep "holding the hand by the knife by the hand" i f the marriage ceases to be safe for her to stay. I will not condone toxic and abusive marriages as society does. Oliver Mtukudzi, a Zimbabwean legend penned a song titled "Dzoka Uyamwe", literally meaning, "come back to suckle".

I remind my daughter that she can always come back to mama if she needs to. No girl is too old to need her mother. I pray that she will live happily and her marriage will be easy. I have equipped her with positive intelligence tools and she knows the power in her thoughts, words and deeds and how to make sure she has control over the energy-field she creates in her home. What she thinks and says about her relationship will be a self-fulfilling prophesy. She is empowered. We must empower our daughters but as I have shared in Mother Behold Thy Son, we must equally empower our sons. I will remind my daughter that marriage should not be hard. According to the sage, when something is hard, we must stop to reflect and find a path of ease and flow. Should that path cease to be visible for my daughter I will tell her

" Dzoka Uyamwe." This is the love I have for my daughter. Of course I never wish her to be one of those

black-eyed happy wives. I pray that hers will be a long-lasting union full of ease and flow guided by unconditional love.

What story do you have to tell about the first fruit of your womb?

I would love to hear your thoughts and feelings. Have you taken away any useful insights from this sharing? I share my stories to connect with like-minded mothers and others who would like to raise the future we want, a future of equality , love and freedom where all our children no matter how they look, who they are, where they are from, what their parents have or do not have, each become their best versions.

I am the Founder of Mothers United. Our mission is to connect, empower, and unite the world’s mothers through networking and collaboration, education and training for mothers and children, and to enable mother-to-mother support. We do this so that mothers become unstoppable drivers of change personally, professionally and maternally. If you agree that we must empower our daughters and sons for equality love and freedom, sign the pledge and be a part of the change.

I am your sister on CALL ready for further dialogue about motherhood and the power we have as a collective. Discover our programs The Mentally Fit Mama and Sage Kids or book a free call with me and discover the power of positive mindset. Kindly share with mothers who need to hear this message.

Gratefully Yours,

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